The Self-Comparison Trap: Why we compare ourselves to others

Photo by Charles Deluvio via Unsplash.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” - Theodore Roosevelt

So why do we compare ourselves to others?

I often find myself comparing myself to others particularly on social media. Occasionally, this knocks my confidence when it comes to certain things like my career and even my personal life. Social media although a great tool, is essentially a highlight reel of people’s lives. This is not to say that people do not share their low moments, but it’s rare when they do.

According to the field of psychology, this notion of comparing ourselves to others is called ‘social comparison theory’. Coined by a Social Psychologist named Leon Festinger in the 1950s. He essentially highlights that humans like to discover the truth about themselves and define themselves. He also highlighted that we tend to look upwards when analysing our abilities, and when we want to do better we tend to compare ourselves to people who are ahead of us. Another concept called ‘downward social comparison’ was developed in the 80s - comparing ourselves to those who are worse off.

So, there are pros and cons to comparing ourselves, whether it be ‘upwards’ or ‘downwards’. A pro of comparing yourself upwards is that it can increase motivation, help you set goals and who you aspire to be, but a downside might be feeling like a failure and low self-esteem.

Stopping the urge to compare yourself to others can be difficult especially if you throw social media in the mix. If you do find yourself comparing yourself to others, have self-compassion and then try to compare yourself to yourself. On low days, it may be beneficial to limit social media as it contribute to how you feel about yourself and life.